if you're trying to do work that matters to you
I talk to many people who are pursuing work that matters to them. Inevitably, they end up getting stuck or lost along the way. In those moments, the same old stories tend to emerge:
I’m not disciplined enough. I got lazy. I didn’t want it badly enough. I didn’t push myself enough. I’m too weak, too cowardly, too inexperienced. Maybe this isn’t right for me.
These stories are compelling. In the moment, they feel impossible to argue with. But they’re wrong.
If you’ve spent any real time trying to build something meaningful — a creative practice, a business, a body of work you actually care about — you’re probably noticed something strange. The resistance doesn’t show up in a uniform way. Instead, it tends to cluster around the things that matter most.
We get stuck on a three-sentence email we need to write. Or we hesitate before hitting ‘Publish’ on an essay. Or we record a video for social media and then let it rot in drafts, or we brainstorm a really good business idea and then let it sit in our notes…
There’s a pattern here. The old stories about “lazy” stop us from seeing it. But it’s essential that we do.
the underlying beliefs
When you walk too close to the edge of a cliff, your body will react. A few of the symptoms might be familiar: a sudden tightness in your chest, a shortness of breath, a narrowing of your vision, an uncomfortable awareness of how far there is to fall. These are the signs of your nervous system pulling the handbrake.
But your unconscious mind does not distinguish between “real” danger and abstract danger. Your unconscious mind learns from experience, not analysis; as you go through life, it learns “this makes me feel scared, therefore I should avoid it.” Your nervous system isn’t interpreting “how accurately am I perceiving the risk here”. That’s not its job.
If, at some point, you learned to be afraid of being too visible… of being too successful… of being ambitious, or dedicated, or earnest… if you learned that this kind of behaviour was risky, in that it jeopardized your access to the acceptance of those around you… then your body is programmed to respond accordingly. It’s ready to pull the brake.
In older cars, you can still drive with the handbrake pulled. That’s what we’re trying to do when we beat ourselves up for being “lazy” or lacking discipline. We’re trying to slam on the gas regardless. Sometimes, that does the trick. But only for the short-term, and at a cost. It’s not a sustainable strategy. It’s not efficient.
If we’re looking to play long-term games, we don’t want to fight our biology. We want to work with it.
rewriting our beliefs
Your unconscious beliefs about the world are not static. They can be changed, modified, updated. That process starts with intention & curiosity.
That fear that’s keeping you stuck: what is it trying to protect you from? What does it believe will happen if you actually succeed? What did you learn — in a family, a classroom, a relationship, an earlier failure — that made this particular kind of visibility or accomplishment feel like something to fear?
We don’t need to understand your whole history. We don’t need to spend years excavating childhood wounds before you can send an email. But we do want to identify the specific emotional belief that’s generating resistance. We want to understand it, so that we don’t have to just bulldoze past it.
To understand it, we need to set aside judgement, which just reinforces the fear of “I’m doing it wrong.” Imagine a scared child standing at the edge of a dark forest. If we say, “you lazy piece of shit, we’re going in there whether you like it or not!”, what can we expect to happen? The child will dig in their heels and scream and cry. But when we ask, “what do you need to feel safe in this moment?”, then we might make some progress. When we lead with a compassionate curiosity, then we create the conditions for durable change.
ambition needs a container
Our culture lionizes the ambitious. We’re told from an early age to shoot for the moon. Many of us internalize that as “I just need to be ambitious & brave, and all will be well.”
But if you’re pursuing an authentic vision, something that’s deeply rooted within yourself, then it’s probably something that’s been growing for awhile. In this case, it’s more likely that some old emotional beliefs are tangled up in it. To do the work you most care about tends to mean confronting your deepest fears. That’s the journey.
Ambition alone isn’t enough. Forcing courage is a band-aid solution, and puts us back in the same pattern of relying on willpower to see us through. What we need is to nurture a sense of safety that allows us to work with ourselves, rather than against ourselves.
Creating safety isn’t about coddling. It’s not about giving up or doing something easier. Rather, it’s about getting curious about one question: “What conditions would make it easier to move forward?” Then we can talk about cultivating those conditions.
But the first step is recognizing that there’s nothing “wrong” here: your nervous system is doing its job. It’s trying to keep you safe. You can hold that with respect, as you get curious about how to change the underlying belief. You don’t have to be at war with yourself. The work wants to emerge through you. All you have to do is get out of the way.
The Practice: the next time you notice yourself getting stuck in the pursuit of meaningful work, ask yourself, “What am I afraid will happen here?” Wait for an answer to emerge, rather than trying to think of the answer. Once it does emerge, ask “what happens then?”
An example: hesitation on sending an email. A tightness in the chest. “What am I afraid of?” → “That they won’t like this proposal.” → “What happens then?” → “Then they won’t want to work with me.” → “What happens then?” → “Then I’ll be a failure…”
Continue asking the question until you arrive at the root belief, and then try to hold it with compassion. Don’t fight it & argue with; just acknowledge that it’s here. Notice what happens on the other side.
Thanks for being here,
Scott
